Today's prompt is to share a story from school. Now most mommy bloggers out there will have stories about sending their children to their first day of school. I'm not a mommy, but I am an auntie but Ivory is only one and hasn't even done daycare yet. So that won't do. I'm going to get personal here and write about my two first days of school.
For most of my life we moved around. I was ALWAYS the new girl and I always tried to compete with people just to be friends. I never wanted to take anyone's friend away but that's how people viewed me. I came to take their spot as best friend and that started a huge trend for me. I never wanted to be anyone's best friend but I somehow managed to be several people's best friends and those people were typically guys. Guys never cared about those things the way mean and catty girls do. Girls kick you out of their circle and tell you that you can't sit with them because you are too emotional. Yes, that's exactly what I was told by my "friends" at my new school on the 1 year anniversary of my dad's death when I was 12. School was miserable for me as it was for most people. But in the beginning it was fun right?
My very first day of kindergarten was special. My mom who was in prison from the time I was about 2.5 until just before my 5th birthday was out and in what they call a half-way house. If you are unfamiliar with the term it's a house that is basically like a dorm and you are under supervision. You have to tell people where you are going, why you are going there and it has to be approved. You also had to be reached by telephone at all times and back in the 90's cellphones were not available to people who weren't rich so obviously my mom did not have one.
I remember going to register the week before and seeing my name as Sara Garcia (my grandparents last name) on a cute piece of paper that was stuffed into a chalkboard eraser. I now think it's an adorable idea for teachers because most of the time my name was on an index card that we taped to our desks. Booo! Not fun for little kids. But I also remember that my chair was blue. So I tried moving my name tag to one that had a pink chair. Then I got in trouble for moving it. My grandma tried to tell me I couldn't and I remember telling her that I was a girl and I should have a pink chair and that blue chairs were for boys and I was not a boy. My grandma tried reasoning with me but became distracted and I finally just ended up switching the chairs.
I think that gives a slight indication about me, I always get what I want one way or another. LOL It was true then and it is still true now. But my mother, who was barely around because she was only allowed to see me on the weekends was actually originally authorized to take me to school on my first day but got into trouble. She snuck to see me on my birthday to bring me balloons and a Cookie Monster doll in a clown suit that I still have. Only problem was, was that she got caught. So she wasn't allowed to take me to school OR spend that weekend with me. And my mom again got in trouble because she picked me up in the morning and walked me two blocks to school, introduced herself to my teacher, showed me my cubby and left for the day. I remember everything about that time vividly. I remember her outfit, her hair, the way she smelled. When you don't get time with someone you love you spend the entire time you do get with them memorizing everything about them. I could draw you a picture of her and know where every single freckle on her face is and tell you the exact shade of red her hair was and how ever curl and wavy fell into place when she walked or if the wind blew just how it moved. If I try hard enough I can still feel as buoyant and jubilant as that day walking hand in hand with my mom. My first day of school was awesome. I actually enjoyed school until middle school. Then school sucked again until college. College was a whole new animal.
I did know better on my first day of college though. Or so I thought. I wasn't going far, just an hour away. But the program I got a scholarship through demanded we start the summer after we graduated (so I got 3 weeks of a summer vacation between graduation and orientation) and to live in the dorms. We supposedly needed that full college experience. I packed all my stuff and moved into the worst dorms on the University of South Florida campus. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong. I went to the wrong building to check in and it had to be done by noon. But I'm always early so I got there at 11:55 AM even being "late" and checked in. I got my stupid lanyard with my name and program and I got my 3 day orientation schedule, dorm assignment and then we went to go get our ID's which was basically our life like every other school. It opened our dorm building, had our meal plan on it and we would need it to purchase anything in the school as well as access to the gym and we would need it for every single test we would take while at the school. It was also our pass for the campus bus and we rode free on the Tampa transit if we showed our ID. Pretty sweet deal.
I was a grown up at this point in my head. I was an adult in a month (I was still only 17 damn it) and I had graduated high school. I didn't need my mommy to walk me to class. But I did. About an hour into my day I discovered my key didn't work and I couldn't get into my building to bring in my stuff. I was also on the 3rd floor and there was no elevator just stairs. As I looked at them when I finally got in the building I glared and said "freshmen 15 my ass" and the girl behind me laughed.
When I finally got to my room I discovered I wouldn't just have a room mate but suitmates. I was essentially an only child as my brother was 11 years older than me and lived with his dad until he was 17 and my sister was 13 years older than me and I don't remember my formative years living with her but she ran away to her dads when she was 14 so I never had to share a room before. Thankfully, she had 2 sisters who had an off campus apartment and she stayed with them the entire semester. But her parents were there to bring in her stuff. Her mini fridge, her new mattress, her things. I just had me, I didn't know I needed a mini fridge or a new mattress. I got the list of "stuff to bring" and my "approved list of electronics/gadgets" and sheets were on my list but nothing else. My room mate's name was Natalie and in exchange for her not being in our room and letting me use her mini fridge all I had to do was text her when we were having an inspection, jump on her bed and mess up the sheets (then fix them obviously) every now and then and tell her when we were having a hall meeting. That was a pretty sweet deal so I took it. I lucked out. But her parents helped me move in and asked where my mom was.
"She's at work."
"Where's your father?"
"He's dead." The looks I get when I say that kill me. Don't feel sorry for me, it's in the past. I wish he was here too but he's not so let's move on. That was and has been my sentiment whenever people give me that look. You know what I mean.
When I found out Natalie's family was from Miami and another suitmate's family was from New York and they had FLOWN to bring her to school I called my mom and flipped out. I screamed at her. I told her she was supposed to be there for me, that she was supposed to help me and how dare she not know that her only child who ever went to college was going to need her help moving in. I lost my marbles.
At this point all of you probably think my mom is a horrific person and that's not the case. I told her I didn't need any help and I had honestly believed that I didn't. I didn't know. She didn't know. She had never been to college like USF. She took online classes and classes at a community college at most. My mom finally graduated college last yea after starting school in 1998. There was no dorm. My brother and sister didn't live with her - she never even saw them graduate high school. My mom essentially got to right all of her wrongs from my brother and sister with me but she isn't perfect and no mom is. She was a single mom doing the best she could and I was a hurt and scared little girl who didn't know she would still need her mommy at 17. Hell, I'm 24 and I'm just barely getting it now that I still need my mommy from time to time. *shrugs* It happens. She did offer to come help me, she was only an hour away but I told her to stay put. I apologized and said exactly what I just stated: I didn't know I would need her until I realized I was the only kid out of 150 who didn't have a single parent there to help them. "Parent(s)" wasn't on the list of things to bring.
All this has taught me is that I will make sure I am there for my kid - as in up their ass for everything constantly from the first day of pre-school until they graduate from college. As I said, my school days were not happy days for me. The dorm thing did nothing for me but keep my grades at their best. I did not have the true college experience and I don't believe I missed anything. But it is important for you to be there for your child through their whole experience. Don't just step in whenever. If your child's teacher has to call you to tell you something is wrong you're not doing your job. My mom never cared about my schooling until someone else told her she needed to. Don't make that mistake. Call your kids teachers, it takes two minutes to find out their e-mail and ask if you can e-mail them, if they can e-mail you whenever your child's grades slip. Be on top of it BEFORE it becomes an issue. I was lucky. I knew education was the only way out of my horrible family life. I worked harder than most people to get my grades, to get my scholarships. I wish they had paid off but that's another story. Just be there for your kids. I know it seems like "duh" kind of thing but you will need reminded from time to time. To get caught up in your own things (work, marital/relationship problems, stress, health issues, ect) is human. You are not perfect and your kids will not understand that until they are older. There's no handbook but take it from me - smoother your kids where school is concerned. You'll be glad you did.
What was your first day of school like?
If you went to college, how was your first day of college in comparison to your first day of Elementary school?
If you went to college, how was your first day of college in comparison to your first day of Elementary school?
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