I met sales goals in Oct so now (at the end of Nov) I am just getting my reward. $50 in e-gift certificates to bath and body works. I make soap so this is kind of like redundant. I'm up to my elbows in glycerin and scents. So I tried to buy candles but they wanted like $30 for shipping. Ha Ha NO. So I tried looking for something else and that's when I stumbled onto these things. These... anti-aging and anti-wrinkles creams. CELLULITE BE-GONE LOTION (which I purchased). But I'm like "NO! I am 24, I am going to be like Jamie Lee Curtis and age gracefully." Then I remembered this cute gem:
I just... I don't understand. I've never been of that mind and it's kind of freaking me out. I thought age was never something I would worry about. But it feels like I turned 24 and my health went down the drain.My wisdom teeth are going bananas, my hormone imbalance that I thought was gone has returned with a vengeance. I feel like every time I miss my period that I'm broken. What if some day I want kids and I can't because my reproductive organs have crapped out? I used to think having kids at a young age was stupid. I mean, I'm 24 and I still want "me time." I see being a parent as being able to sacrifice yourself for someone else and I'm not ready to do that yet. I don't know that I want kids ever actually. Ivory has taught me to rethink a lot about my life but what if I do someday? Then I've wasted what years I did have working organs for what? For my own selfish purposes and then I have to pay the price later? WTF. To top it off I have heart burn for the first time in my life and my migraines come more often than they used to and I guess that's it. I'm not feeling as well as I used to and everyone just keeps saying "that's age" or "that's what happens when you get older" and it has stuck. Subliminal messaging - I'VE BEEN BRAIN WASHED.
I mean honestly, I've been around women who are 30 and every little thing I say around them would be turned into "are you calling me old?" and I realized that it wasn't just my mother. It was a problem every woman thinks about. I guess to assume I'd be immune was naive.
This brings on an entirely new set of panic. What if, I decide some day that I want to get married? That I do believe in tying myself to someone in every way besides just emotional? Then what if I decide I want a house and to stay in one place. I mean, honestly, what else am I going to change my mind about? It is possible that I may change my mind about everything. I'm always so sure about things. I just... I'm terrified that I am making mistakes now that I'll regret later. Like, I could have taken better care of my skin before and even now to prevent myself from looking like a sharpe at 25. The problem with my female bits scares me no matter what. My mom had a really hard time with menopause, my sister had a hysterectomy before 30 and my grandma had one at 40. On my mom's side of the family everyone has problems there. I had bladder and digestive problems when I was younger and my niece had digestive problems... I just feel like maybe I need to be more open minded about certain things. C'mon my 20 something's help me out.
Am I freaking out for no reason
or
is this a legitimate phobia and I'm just tardy to the party as usual?
or
is this a legitimate phobia and I'm just tardy to the party as usual?
Okay, again, I'm a good deal older than you but I'm going to respond anyway. 1) You are not the only one. 2) Yes, you've been brainwashed! But it's only human. 3) You are 24 -- still a ton of time to figure stuff out and change your mind 100 times. I met my husband at 30, got married at 34, had baby at 36. It's okay. AND 4) Being in your 20s SUCKS ASS and the day you turn 30, I promise, everything will fall into place. You may not feel as spry as you did when you were 20, but hey, I just ran a marathon in which I beat my 31-year-old self by over 22 minutes. So it's not all over once you turn 30. Not even close. :)
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea how relieved I am to hear that! I think the only reason I believe it is because everyone always said after 21 life got easier and that was kind of true so I'm looking forward to 30 (maybe).
DeleteYou don't have to look forward to 30, but don't be afraid of it. My 20s were an unmitigated disaster; 30 was a turning point for me.
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