This Blog Is Dead & I've Moved On

Hey everyone, I'll be blogging over at Radium Girl...I'm leaving this up for you know, shits and giggles. :)

Link Love: 01.17.14

I'm trying to get back into this whole blogging on the regular and the best way to do that is to go around the interwebz and find new blogs to discover. So here's 5 of my favorite posts that I've discovered this week!

By The Shore: I love her post here. It's got lovely pictures of her in the snow in a very casual outfit, which I love. I love that one of them is black and white. A lot of fashion bloggers forget to play around with their photos using sephia and black and white. They all like actions and filters but that's it. | X

Seven Lives And More: This blog is kind of a 365 project but what I loved most about this post was the focus on the cat stickers on her wall. I just want you to share in my Cat Craziness and fall in love with these wall clings too. She posts in English and in French so, w00t go me for brushing up on my French. | X

One of my favorite blogs ever is The Curious Cupcake. I found her last summer and was amazed that she loves to chase tornadoes! I do too! Living in the Mid-West until I was 12 and then having a very close run-in with a tornado when I went to my Family Reunion back in May. I just HAD to catch up with her and she's apparently feeling "nutty" and taking pictures of squirrels. THEY ARE SO CUTE! | X

I like to follow this blogger and designer Sarah, who recently moved her blog. Her most recent post is a tip about Pinterest and how to get your pins noticed more! I'm going to try it out and see if it helps. | X

Being in Cosmetology school I'm definitely more into hair and make up blogs just because that is what I am going to do from now on you know? So when I found Confessions of a Hairstylist I was like "yes, this is the tits!" The link I loved most was one of her reviews on a pair of shears. I just liked the style and there are definitely other product reviews worth checking out. | X

What are you reading?

What are your favorite blogs?

Wednesday Want List: Jackets

Good Morrow my lovely readers! I have decided that I am cold this week even though I am in California and I have my A/C on because it's 77 degrees in my house. Yes, I know, so tragic while the rest of you freeze your butts off in subzero temperatures. But hey, why not have something pretty to look at?

1. Navy Trench | 2. McQueen Nubuck Leather Biker Jacket | 3.  Givenchy Black Toggle

4. The Importance of Being Forest Coat | 5.  Burberry Stud | 6. Vampire Jacket

I mean, don't get me wrong I love that I can go out in shorts and a t-shirt, wear flip lops and not have my teeth chatter. But you know what I miss? Cuddling in jackets and struggling to get warm, cupping hot chocolate with floating marshmellows at the top to heat my hands. So I present to you, 6 jackets I wish I owned or could even get away with wearing in L.A while all of you get to actually, I don't know, wear a jacket?

1. First up is a full length A-line Double Breasted Navy Blue Trench Coat that is absolutely stunning. My favorite part about this jacket? The belt at the waist and flare over the hips. It would be slimming on anyone and paired with brown knee boots and jeans it is casual. But throw it over a dress and it's exceptionally dressy. You know me, I like versatile.
2. I'm not a big fan of brown. Kind of reminds me of poop. But this? If it's poop it is definitely the shit. Made by the Fashion God Alexander McQueen, it rings in at a whopping $4,225 (£2,575) and can be purchased at Harrods. Not that I'll ever have the money to buy it but if ever anyone would create a brown jacket I like it would be McQueen.
3. If you didn't expect a black jacket to be in this you haven't been paying attention. You should know I love expensive things. But I've got Crystal taste on a tap water budget. This jacket is no exception. It's a lovely black wool jacket from Givenchy with toggle fastening. Gotta love those toggles. It also has a silver-tone curb chain trim at the waist to give it a more feminine shape. It's on sale for $2,689 from $3,361 at farfetch.com
4. This lovely green coat from ModCloth, is titled The Importance of Being Forest Coat. Don't you just love their creative naming? It's one of my favorite things about ModCloth; those punny titles. This coat, slightly more reasonable but not reasonable enough to tempt me into purchasing it when there is no need for it in California but for you my lovely penguins, it's a steal at $153. The high neck will keep you super warm and look lovely behind your trendy scarves and it has the same feminine shape at the navy blue trench from above!
5. Now, you had to see this coming. If you didn't you don't know me at all and I am offended. Black, studs, expensive? This to die for Burberry Brit Cotton & Leather Trench Coat with Studded Trim is a ridiculous $2,485 but it's oh so pretty. It's on my most-wanted-but-not-needed list, you know the one I send to Santa every year with my ridiculously priced fashion requests. I must have been naughty this year because I got nothing, not even coal for Christmas. Rude. Also, are you even paying attention to what Burberry is doing with their mens line? I watched the Burberry Prorsum Menswear Autumn/Winter 2014 show (you can watch it here) last week and if I had a boyfriend he'd be in nothing but those jackets. I can't wait to see the Spring/Summer '14 lines, especially the mens line because my future ex-husband is one of the main models (P.S he's the hottie blonde with the shades in the front row next to Tinie Tempah in the live stream I linked to)! YUMMY.
6. This last one is really just a gas. I saw it and immediately was like "this is going on the collage!" It is titled the "JAWBREAKER MOULIN ROUGE VAMPIRE JACKET" and it is very vampire-like indeed. Could you imagine someone wearing this to keep warm in winter and not as a costume? I love the goth culture and know that there are people who do wear these things for everyday instead of just as a kind of "dress up" but it is definitely not practical to wear for warmth. It sure is pretty though and actually the most affordable jacket on here at $82.

That's it for this weeks WWL. Let me know if you have ideas for next time because I definitely could use them!

Where would you wear these jackets?
What would you pair them with?

A Long Silence & My Explaination For It

I used this because it's Leighton
(& because it's Blair Waldorf & everyone loves Queen B).

Let me start out with the sincerest form of "I am sorry" you will ever hear. I'm not saying I'm sorry to you of course. If you are still around, if you're still reading this then I doubt you care really. I'm saying that I am sorry to myself and to my blog. Mostly my blog.

Let me just say that since the 4th of July (which was my last post, before yesterday's of course) it has been a weird kind of thing for me. I have been struggling, there have been a lot of health issues and to top it off I've just been outright lazy.

Let's start out with struggling. I've never been unemployed for this length of time. I've been working since I was 15. In ten years I've been unemployed for maybe a cumulative total of a month. I've never been so dependent on anyone. I don't like it. It has made me depressed. When I started this blog, with it's two weekly columns I had a steady job with a steady income. I was secure. But I moved and California is less forgiving than anywhere else except maybe New York City. The jobs are few and far between and expectations are higher than they should be really. I had a job for a few months and the company went under and I was let go.

The anatomy chapter kicked everyone's ass.
This was the online test for studying.
Luckily, it ended up being open book in real life.

So then I went to Cosmetology school. I've always wanted to do it, I have a vested interest in hair and make up (obviously) and it was a good move. But its kept me busy and way too busy to get even a part time job apparently. I applied but because my hours are so limited they wouldn't take me for even seasonal work. That angered me.

The other reason I couldn't get a job was in July my mom had a heart attack. I'd never been so scared in my life. We thought it was anxiety. She'd been having some problems with the bottle. My mom was addicted to cocaine in the early years of my life. She went to jail, learned the error of her ways and has been clean ever since but alcohol is legal. She can't go to jail for drinking but it can kill her. She got into a fight with my Grams and we thought she was having an anxiety attack. She takes meds for it but it doesn't always help. After we got home and just before bed when she was still feeling sharp pains she decided she needed to go to the Hospital. When the doctor said heart attack my whole world tipped on its axis and spun backwards. The wind was knocked from my lungs and if I wasn't already sitting I would have fallen over. It sounds dramatic but until you're knocked off your feet by news that you never expected you don't really see things as they are. It's like going to the doctor one day for a full body check up, they do a bunch of tests and declare you healthy and the next day you feel a sharp pain, go to the doctor and they tell you its cancer that wasn't there yesterday. You feel safe and secure and then you're not. When they took my mom for tests I lost it. The nurses had to ask me if I was ok, if I needed anything. You know what I asked for? A hug. It was weird for me to request it. Not just because I hate hugs but because they meant water or a box of tissues. I just wanted to be held. But I couldn't ask me mom because she was gone and really she was dealing with enough she couldn't know that I was reeling from this.



It was my worst fear realized. First my dad and then my mom. Before I even had the opportunity to do anything. I was instantly reminded that all the things my dad was missing out on would soon be things my mom would miss getting to have with me. It wasn't fair. So once she recovered I made a doubled effort to be with her.

Then just after my birthday the stomach pains I'd been having became severe enough to keep me from school. In fact they almost killed me. You see I'd developed gallstones. I went to an Urgent Care center, spent $80 for them to tell me I needed an ultrasound. The ultrasound was $200 cash. So I'd spent $280 for them to tell me I had gallstones but couldn't do anything because my gallbladder wasn't infected and they only removed them if they were infected. They gave me a prescription for meds that were supposed to minimize or dissolve the gallstones. 12 hours later my urine was brown and I was calling the urgent care center I went to and asked if this was a side effect of the medication. They never called me back.  At 3 am, I wake up and I am puking black and yellow like a Wiz Kalifa song and I wake my mom up and tell her it's time to go to the ER. She wanted me to go when we were picking up my Rx at Walgreens and I was doubled over, crying because of the stones.

This was my BFF in the hospital

I get admitted quickly, they try to take blood and by try I mean they stuck me 9 times because they couldn't find my veins and blew out the few they could find. They discovered I had pancreatitis and my liver was shutting down because a gallstone got out of my gallbladder and lodged itself into the duct of my pancreas. My liver and pancreas were secreting bile to dissolve the stone but really it was just poisoning me. They said if I had waited much longer I would have died. I wasn't allowed to eat at all until the surgery because they needed my pancreas to stop being so inflamed so they could operate. That was awful. I love food and they were keeping me from it. I was on my period and craving chocolate. So I went into the hospital on a monday, they scheduled surgery for that Thursday.
The surgery was a fuckstorm if ever there was one. First, they came and got me early and NO ONE was there. I called my mom frantic because I didn't want her to show up to my room and me not be there, especially after having a heart attack. We waited for 3 hours for them to take me when the surgeon comes in and goes "they won't give me a time and I have other things to do so I am rescheduling your surgery for Saturday at 6am."

I freaked out. I read into "I have other things to do" as in "I have BETTER things to do" and I flipped out. They had to sedate me. I was literally screaming for them to get it out of me, use a butter knife and a table from the cafeteria and cut it out. I told them I didn't even care if they knocked me out for it because anything had to be better than what I was going through. Not eating, not sleeping and for a week. I'd done that before and I knew what would happen. I hadn't eaten or kept anything down for an entire week. I hadn't showered because I couldn't get my IV wet. My hair was gross, I felt gross and I slept only when drug induced. I also don't have health insurance so that was two more days, plus a day of recovery. I didn't want that at all.

gruesome tummy staples

They ended up doing it the next day and I was out by that Saturday but I was forced to take a leave of absence from school and though I didn't need 3 weeks off, for the first week after I was winded simply by going from my bed to the toilet. I couldn't shop even though I wanted to because I couldn't walk around so going to get groceries was out. I still can't eat certain things because otherwise I spend the whole day shitting my brains out. I walk around with not just Midol and Excedrine Migraine but Imodium A.D now. Ridiculous.

So while I'm recovering from that and back in school some other family has health issues and it seems that between October and November there is a health reprieve. Until Christmas. That's when my Grams has a heart attack.  She thought she was having an asthma attack. She couldn't breathe. Get to the hospital and they do the same thing to my mom as was done to me. They pull the rug right out from underneath us and say the words "heart attack." Though this time we know the drill. We know what questions to ask.What are her heart enzymes at. 1.9 (the ideal is 0.0 obviously). So though not as major as my mom's was (her was 5.8), it was still life threatening. You see my mom's was from stress. There was no blockage. Her heart expanded and almost exploded and the muscles have been weakened as a result. My Grams had 3 veins blocked in her left atrium and they were 95% blocked. They couldn't put in stints because they were at a crossroads so putting a stint in any one of them would have blocked the others. How annoying right? She's much better now but that ruined our Christmas and our New Years. For us it is just another day but those days mean something to my Grams who is extremely religious and never misses Christmas Mass. She had surprise plans for my mom and her boyfriend and my uncle who came to stay to go see this play and have dinner, ect. So she was upset about that. Now she's worried about being a burden.

But you see, this is why I need this blog. Why I need to be writing. Writing is who I am. It has been since I was a girl and first discovered the beauty in the written word. The beauty in getting lost in my own head and then coming out of it long enough to write it all down and revisit it. I need to be writing whether its my novels or this blog. I have been so lost these last 6 months. I've been lost without you. I don't want to get that lost again. So don't let me. Don't let me leave you guys ever again.

Currently: Apologetic

Loving/Hating; I am loving that I'm in California in 70 degree weather while the rest of the country freezes to death. Loving that it is nearing the Super Bowl and the two teams I follow are in the playoffs. I hate that my Colts lost to the New England Patriots and am hoping the Bronco's and Peyton stomp the Chargers and then go on to the Super Bowl.

But what I really hate is that I haven't blogged since July. So much has happened. Let's see... first my mom had a heart attack then I got sick and almost died in September and most recently my grams had a heart attack, had to have a triple bypass surgery and is currently recovering from her Christmas and New Years in the hospital. I've just been a mess really. I hate that I haven't been inspired to blog and I'm still unemployed so no money to purchase new make up or hold giveaways or anything. It's rather disheartening.

Reading;  I've been re-reading the Mortal Instruments series and of course my own work of fiction that I've set a goal of having the first draft edited by the end of Jan.

Watching; My usual series. I'm very excited for The Fosters, The Originals, Reign and a few other CW shows to start back up. OH AND OF COURSE - GIRLS.

Anticipating;  Not much these days. I just want to be finished with school so I can get a job and move past whatever it is that is holding me back.

Listening to; My favorite stuff right now is by a band called The Darling Buds. Teasers: X | X

Planning; Trips to Europe to take my mind off what it is I think I am missing from my life. It's hard to plan a trip with no money. :(

Working on; Editing my book and reviving my blog.

Wishing; I wish that I could find a way to make more time for myself to blog and also to get a part time job. I also want to be in England. I could kickstarter that right? Sponsor me?

What are you up to?

Happy 4th of July

I hope everyone will be safe today. My family and I are going to our relatives down in Redondo Beach where it is a lovely 76 degrees (as opposed to our 112 degree weather we have here) to watch the fireworks and gorge ourselves on festive eats.

The 4th of July used to be one of my favorite holidays. I grew up in corn country so every 4th I used to go out and test the "Knee High by 4th of July" theory with my dad. He'd stand out there and if it wasn't to his knee he'd say it was going to be a bad year or if it was over his knee he'd say it was going to be a good year. Then we'd head a town over to pick a spot at the park and watch the fireworks. Every now and then we'd drive to Omaha to Rosenblatt Stadium to watch the fireworks there on the hood of our car and we'd listen to the music that accompanied it. We'd eat hamburders and hot dogs and I'd chase my young cousin with sparklers and we'd smash pop-pops on the sidewalks.

Then as I got older I loved the history behind it. How we fought against the Mother Country for our freedom. The noble Fathers of our nation lost everything they owned, people they loved were killed and then somehow they created a skeleton for the people after them to build upon and bring about "the greatest country in the world."

But as I have gotten older I have become more and more aware that those "Fore Fathers" are just as mythical as the freedom we claim to have. Until just recently anyone who was homosexual in certain states were not allowed to marry. How free can you be if you can't even proclaim your love for someone and it be recognized by someone besides yourself, while others can marry whomever they choose and it be recognized globally?

I am a woman and if I so chose to have an abortion because I become pregnant and cannot care of the child and refuse to subject it to the adoption/foster care system I am forced by my government to have that baby. There is a whole body of MEN, who don't know me, have never met me and apparently don't give a rats ass about me trying to decide what is right for ME. How free am I if I cannot do with my body as I wish?

In Texas just last week Wendy Davis, a Democratic senator stood up in front of hundreds of people, many of them State government officials and spoke for 13 hours without food, water, a break to use the restroom or any type of relief from speaking in an effort to stop a bill from passing in the state of Texas that would shut down thousands of women's clinics. Just before midnight, the entire body of State officials called an illegal vote after midnight and there was a complete uproar. Hundreds of people charged the steps of the Capitol Building and began protesting. Many of those protesters were arrested even though it is their "right" as an "American Citizen" to protest, to speak out against their government and hold them accountable for their actions. Yet, they were denied that right and instead granted a free meal and an overnight hotel stay in the big house known as County Lock-Up.

That same bill that Wendy Davis talked for 13 hours straight to filibuster will be back up for "debate" as the Republican government in Texas is supposed to hold another special session and that bill is sure to be on it. You can read more in an article by the Washington Post.

But I can't celebrate 4th of July like I used to. It doesn't hold the same aw and wonder that it used to. Because I live in the land of the supposedly free instead of the land of the free as proclaimed in song. People in this country are still oppressed by their government. Certain unalienable rights that were promised to us are still not in our grasp.

So go out and celebrate your independence if you think you've got it, because from where I sit and what I've learned in all my 24 almost 25 years of life is that NOTHING in life is free.

Happy 4th of July.

Currently: Busy!

Loving/Hating;  Loving school but hating that it has basically left me no time to blog. :( I only go to school from 8:30-2:30 but afterwords I go to my Grams and help out there or I come home and do homework and sometimes I do homework after being at my Grams (like on swim days which are Monday's, Wednesdays and Saturdays). It doesn't leave me much time for blogging. I mean I had to take my first test 3 days after starting class on subject matter everyone else had 3 weeks to learn (I got 81% and beat out half the class) and then today I took another test and tied with three other people for highest grade with a 97% (I missed one freaking question and they wouldn't tell me which one - RUDE). So it's not like I've been laying around or anything. Well, yesterday I did because I got food poisoning and I left school early because I got sick again but I took my test damn it!

Reading;  I'm not really reading anything besides my cosmetology textbook but believe me it is an interesting read. I've basically learned that everything I've been doing cosmetically since I was a toddler is wrong. Seriously, I've held scissors a.k.a shears wrong my whole life. The way I blow dry my hair? WRONG! The way I apply my make up, clean my face, wax or tweeze my eyebrows? WRONG! WRONG! WROOOOONNNNGGG! So to say it has been educational is an understatement but I love it.

Watching; I just finished The Carrie Diaries (Can't wait until October when everything comes back!) and I just started Revolution.

Anticipating;  4th of July. There's a big pot luck at school the day before, then I'm possibly meeting up with Ashley and Katie and taking them to my fam's place in Redondo Beach. I'll be taking lots of pictures I am sure. Thank Goodness I have it off from school!

Listening to; I am really into Paramore's new album as well as a lot of stuff from the radio. Pharrell has been busy lately and everything he is on golden. I LOVED Get Lucky with Daft Punk and his colab with T.I and Robin Thicke in Blurred Lines? Genius. The song is so dirty but so catchy I can't help but love it.

Planning; I'm thinking of no longer doing WWL or Make Up Mondays and instead just doing fashion and make up posts whenever I can. Sticking to such a strict schedule does not seem to be working for me after a year of doing it. I guess it is just not practical..

Working on; Today was test day at school so we start a new chapter on Tuesday (Saturdays are purely clinic days and we have Sun/Mon off) so I could get started on my workbooks and flash cards but I won't. LOL.

Wishing; I wish that I could find a way to make more time for myself to blog and also to get a part time job. I really need to start applying to places again. There is a lot of hidden costs in attending Cosmetology school and I hate being without money. Sponsor me?

What are you up to?

Manic Monday Sans Hair Tutorial

Ok so I know there was supposed to be a hair tutorial today, however I have some rather exciting news! If you didn't watch my video from the weekend where I essentially had a mental break down (don't worry I'm over it already) then you didn't hear. If you did watch it, thanks, but you already know what is coming.

I AM STARTING COSMETOLOGY SCHOOL TOMORROW!

As you can tell I'm uber duber excited about it. I should have done this forever ago. I actually started once. I was accepted, has a small scholarship and everything and then I moved to California and the school, even though they had one in LA, they wouldn't transfer the scholarship and I would have had to reapply. Then it was too far of a drive, yada yada. So I never went. I did my traditional blah blah blah and now 5 years later I'm finally doing it. So I want to wait and kind of use Make Up Monday's to impart on you the wisdom of what I am learning in school.

I have to wear all black, which you'd think wouldn't be an issue for me because I basically look like I am going to a funeral all the time. I raided Lydia Deets' closet ok? But seriously I have to go out and buy pants and shirts because I have actually toned down my black as of late. Literally, I've made a joint effort to not buy black clothing and now it is biting me in the ass. They will give me one school shirt and a smock to wear but that's it. So basically I am going to be wearing nothing but leggings for the next year. WOO!

So yeah basically I've spent the weekend combing my mom's closet and my gram even tried to get me to wear some of her "old lady clothes" but I ended up going to Kohl's because my grams had a ton of coupons and they had their Father's Day Sale so t-shirts were like $6 a piece and I got one pair of workout pants that were black. I figured they'd be comfy and I would get double use out of them later. I'm super annoyed because I asked if I could wear tights and shorts and they guy had no clue but he was like "shorts, dresses or skirts have to come below the knee." So I asked if I wore opaque black tights under it would that be ok and he kind of studdered like he didn't know. So I'm going to wear black tights with black shorts and a black shirt and be like "what up, is this cool?" He also said no heels. Heels? Really? You think I'm going to stand on my feet for 6+ hours doing hair in heels. You are joking right? I had a good chuckle over that.

I also already made a friend. Granted she's almost done with her program but she saw me come back multiple days and introduced herself and said she would introduce me to more people tomorrow. I have been dying all week with excitement and I'm so glad it is finally here. I'll only be going from 8:30-2:30 T-S with my weekend being Sun/Mon, which is perfect for me. I can still do Family Day on Sunday and then I have a weekday to do like doctor appointments or whatever. That schedule allows me to go 30 hours a week and still hold a part time job. Woo!

What have you put off that you've always wanted to do?

Do you think you'll ever do it? Why did you put it off?

Currently: Ugly Crying Like Kim Kardashian

I'm going to warn you that I am writing this at the height of my emotional breakdown and that it will be full of hateful self-deprecating remarks. If you can't hang, it's best to leave now and come back on Monday when I will have some news that won't make you want to bitch slap me across the face.

THIS IS ALSO GETS GRAPHIC (NC-17 / NSFW), SO KIDS LOOK AWAY.

10 Things I Will Never Do

So I stole this from Nessa @ A Life of Our Own, who stole it from Shelly, who has the link up on her website. *phew* That was a lot huh? Anyways, I saw this on Nessa's blog and thought it was a cute idea!

1. Not freak out when I see a cockroach
2. Not stand up for what I believe in
3. Eat an insect. (I mean willingly.)
4. Not want to visit Ireland or the UK
5. Say "it's ok" if a man hits me. IT IS NEVER OK.
6. Not laugh at a joke
7. Try and be a blonde again. It's just not a good look for me. Streaks yes, whole head = NO.
8. Have more money than I can spend. Trust me, if I won the lotto I would know how to spend each and every penny of it.
9. Go skinny dipping in the Antarctic. (Just not my style, LOL)
10. Like Spinach. (It's just so gross.)

What are 10 things you'd never ever do?
Or do you never say never?